Failure

Don't you just hate when you try SO hard to do something and you just CAN'T. I really thought I'd do it this time, I'd convinced myself I was going to pass but I didn't I fucked it all up and I knew from the beginning it was a mess. I can't stand to be here anymore I just feel like every thinks I can't do anything right. I just want to leave. I want to go and never come back because I hate it. All I wanted to do was pass today, that was all. Then I would have been happy, I would have bought my plane ticket and got on with my life but now I'm right back at square one being a complete and utter fuck up. I don't even care anymore I am DONE trying. I try and try SO fucking hard for things my whole life but they are always just that little bit out of reach and I can never grasp them. I was so confident I could do this today I REALLY thought I was gonna do it but no I didn't I messed it up. I failed again and it makes me feel like I'm fucking worthless, how can I not do a simple task almost EVERY fucking person can do huh?! fuck this seriously. It hurts, it hurts BAD that i can't get this down. All I wanted to do was pass today, it was all I wanted, now I am upset and angry, pissed off, wish I could change it, confused and agitated. I just want ONE thing to go right for once, just ONE but no, that won't happen I'm not that lucky. I wish I could change this but I can't and I don't know what to do now. I just want to run away from my problems honestly my first thought right now is fuck it I'm leaving. I just want to hop on a plane and fly far, far away. Go to my best friend, stay there and not come back until I have to.

I got messages from people, texts, e-mails saying 'Good Luck" and "You'll be fine!" well guess what I wasn't I fucked it ALL up I ruined it for myself and yeah thank mom and dad for trying to blame the examiner "yeah he looked grumpy" and "He was new, didn't know the roads well" and "He's an ex-cop he is GONNA be tough" but no all of those don't equate to the simple fact that I can't drive a god damn car! Okay fine I can drive it but I can't fucking maneuver the damn thing, I can't I tried so hard, I was doing it perfect before the test then BAMN I take the test and everything is fucked, I can't do it. I CAN'T FUCKING DO IT. I just wanted to pass, I know I keep on saying but I had been waiting SO long to take that test, failing in November, re-booking for December, having the test date changed to February due to snow, then finally managing to be able to change my test to today January 5th and what do I do I fucking fail it like the dumb bitch I am. God knows when the next available test slot is now?! Late Feb> March?! FUCK THAT I don't even want to try any more I really don't and I just feel like giving up completely, throwing in the towel and saying "Fuck this shit" because I don't want to try anymore I really don't. I tried so hard and all I did was fail. I have had it, I am not pushing back my trip any further I won't do it. I'm not staying here. I'll go to the states, then I will come back for college and I GUESS try to pass again but I really...I just really want to give up right about now.

I KNOW I shouldn't let it get to me like this I KNOW I really shouldn't but I thought I was gonna pass so much today I was so sure of it everyone convinced me I was gonna do good and I was feeling happy and confident and now I feel SO fucking down on myself it is actually unbelievable. I just want to crawl in to bed and sleep forever, I don't wanna go to work, I don't wanna eat, I most CERTAINLY do not want to try and drive anymore. I don't want to do
anything. I just want to stop.















I wish I could take some advice from the photo above but right now I feel like that's all that I am. A Failure.